Of Course I Write Romance Novels.

Poem #3, written Sat. 3/28

March 28, 2009 · Leave a Comment

In response to my band situation

Oh, lord.
If by “truly on board”
you mean
“willing to try the way of building a song that Diva One insists upon, i.e.
Diva Two plays a straight drum beat, we all play together and
Diva One is not responsible at the beginning of building a song for
setting the steady rhythm,” then
duh, yeah, yes. Let’s.

That is what I’ve been saying.

I am ready to try that method.

Interesting stuff, y’all.
I pledge to do my part.
Jesus fucking christ, you fucking (sweet, dear, I-love-you) divas.

poemdiva

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Poem #2, written Thurs. 3/26

March 28, 2009 · 2 Comments

No title, yet

Ten-thousand years ago, they say –
they measure it by checking
stratification of rocks and fossils, protozoa and such –
all the water splashed off the earth
and onto the floor of the universe.

With it went all the fish, and the
boats, the oil derricks and the oil spills, with their spreading webs of
rainbows.
Also went the whales and their
plankton, the squid with their
black ink clouds, and the jellyfish.

Also went the octopi.

Also went the Styrofoam cups,
the Whataburger bags, the
straws and the half-empty
ketchup containers.

Also went the single, muddy shoes, the
coat-hangers, and the lost
keys that someone had dropped
long ago on a boat trip to somewhere else.

If that sounds strange to you
It is because once, there was water, and the
wind would push it and whip it,
and boats would float upon the top of it, as if
buoyed up to the sunshine,
the starlight,
the day and night.
Now there are craters in the earth
like a dusty brown ball
mouthed too long by a focused
and insistent Labrador.

poemwater

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Poem #1, written Weds. 3/25

March 28, 2009 · 1 Comment

Poetry About Poultry

Feet scratching
They never have enough Nivea!
Oh, chickens.
Even a spring chicken
has the hands of an old, hard-working hen.
All chickens ever do
is scream at the rooster
Or sometimes at
the pit bull that came to kill them.

poempoultry

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Been gone too long…

January 16, 2009 · 8 Comments

Oh, dear. I always know I’ve been away from my blog too long when WordPress auto-logs me out. Then I have to remember the login and password…oh, le sigh.

How’ve you been, anyway?? Me, I’ve been so busy lately! So much is changing. The biggest thing is that I start school on Tuesday. Yikes! I mean yay! I mean yayikes!! I’m very excited and nervous. I haven’t been in school in a long, long time. I graduated college over a decade ago. Plus, I went to a college that had no tests or grades. (Instead we received written evaluations from our professors for our coursework, and we had to write self-evaluations as well.) That adds a whole ’nother level of yikes-ness to my upcoming venture, since tests and grades will be an integral part of my teacher certification program.

Starting school changes everything about my schedule, from work to band practice and shows to exercise and more. My weekly workouts with my friend Nicole are about to become a lot more sporadic, which makes me sad. On the other hand, I just switched gyms, to 24-Hour Fitness — so now, theoretically, I can work out late-night or early in the morning, if I’m not trying to cram in just a little more sleep. Fine-Fifteen is going to keep practicing weekly, but I expect we won’t play many shows till summer. That will also be an adjustment, but I’m just glad my band mates are willing to stick it out with me till then.

I’ve been teaching an online workshop for the past couple of weeks, to an online writers’ group. It has been such a cool experience — there are people from all over the world among the participants, and they’ve been asking great, intelligent questions. And just the other day, I realized this is a genuine, bona fide teaching experience. I’ve given the same workshop before, in person, to my RWA chapter. That was great, but challenging, trying to fit all the info into a one-hour talk. The online format is so much more conducive to presenting the material in a measured way, which I hope enhances people’s understanding and absorption of it.

Anyway, this was a great experience to have right before starting the cert. program, because it has definitely gotten me excited to learn about being a good teacher.

My friend Gary emailed earlier to say he thinks it’ll be cool when I’m a creative writing teacher. (I have such nice friends.) I emailed back to say I agree — except I’ll go so far as to say it will be a dream come true. My mom taught a poetry-writing workshop when I was in elementary school. I took it, along with maybe 5 or 10 of my friends. I absolutely loved it. And it was one of my earliest memories/experiences that made me want to teach writing, too.

Of course, I’m getting certified to teach high-school English. I don’t think there’s a designated certification for creative writing teachers. But creative writing is my strength and my background. It’s the subject in which I got my degree. So I’m hoping things will come together and I’ll get to teach that subject as well as English, or as a part of an English course.

At the very least, I plan to have my future students do 10 minutes of free writing at the beginning of class, at least once a week. Preferably every day. But I know class time is precious, and we may not have time for that. But I’ve read so much about the benefits of just that brief period of free writing, in terms of focus, concentration, improved writing skills, greater self-confidence and -understanding, and more.

Enuf about that, my friends. I’m also posting to let y’all know that I probably won’t post much for the next several months, which I expect to be extremely jam-packed with work and school! And I’m also training for a half-marathon — the Zooma, an all-women’s race in April. Woo-hoo! But I’ll check in here as often as possible, and I hope you will too.

Love, Catherine

→ 8 CommentsCategories: ARWA · RWA · blogging · exercise · progress · writing

The Quintessence of Heaven, Earth and Human.

December 22, 2008 · 9 Comments

Made from industrial wastes?

Wu Liang Ye: Made from industrial wastes?

On Saturday night, my sister had a birthday party. She made sushi, since she is the sushi queen. She asked people to bring, you know, Japanese beers and sake and stuff. One friend brought a bottle of Chinese liquor called Wu Liang Ye.

It quickly became an initiation rite for each new person who arrived at the party: “You have to drink a shot of this. No, you have to. You can’t sit down and eat sushi until you do.”

When I drank my first shot, my entire system shut down for about one-quarter of one-quarter of a second. (That’s a sixteenth of a second, right, Gary?) Then my synapses started firing again, only they weren’t aiming very well, and they mostly missed their targets. Then my tongue started weeping. I mean, copiously weeping. It felt like I’d jammed it inside an old, fermented salty prune, and left it there for a thousand days before pickling it in horse pee. My nose followed. Much clear, thin mucus exited my head via eyes, nose and mouth.

When I could see again, everything looked a little brighter. There were cute little six-pointed stars spinning like pinwheels across the galaxy of my vision. “You know,” I said, “I think that must be the kind of stuff that’s better with the second shot.” So I had another.

This time my synapses were more like machine guns in the hands of eight-year-old guerrilla fighters. They fired anywhere and everywhere at once. No one and nothing was spared. My tongue wept rivers. My eyes squeezed shut, and some distant, still-conscious part of my brain asked, “Why?”

The third and fourth shots were worse and worse still.

I dissed the Wu Liang Ye roundly, soundly and vocally, many times. The young woman who had brought it was very nice and mild about my Chinese-liquor-induced foul cursing.

Now, after a quick Google search — I was wondering which industrial wastes comprised the liquor’s ingredients, so I could visit the nearest toxic waste facility and make my own Chinese moonshine — I realize it was the foot in my mouth that tasted so bad. Cuz it couldn’t have been the liquor.

Turns out Wu Liang Ye is expensive, award-winning and highly prized.

Huh.

I think my initial hypothesis, that it must be an acquired taste, was correct. It must just take more than four shots to acquire it. Maybe you really start to appreciate its quintessence only when you’ve imbibed so much that your mind slips into an alternate dimension and your taste buds begin to pick out the subtle nuances of flavoring from the heaven, the earth and the human parts that went into making it.

Love, Catherine

→ 9 CommentsCategories: experiments · family · food · friends · fun

Fog Advisory.

December 18, 2008 · 1 Comment

Last night on the news they said there would be a fog advisory from 11 p.m. till noon today.

“What the hell’s a fog advisory?” I asked myself. I was out around 10:30, coming home from Nicole’s (fun! yummy!) cookie party, and it wasn’t that foggy. More misty. I love the way the streets look on a wet night, when yellow light from the streetlamps shines in smears on the pavement, and everybody’s tires make a swishing noise as they roll into the darkness.

This morning I understand what a fog advisory is. You can’t see nothin’ out there!

The view from our back porch.

The view from our back porch.

The scene outside our back door reminds me of pictures I’ve seen of green hills in China, shrouded in fog.

Kind of like this:

Misty hills in China.

Misty hills in China.

Um. The only difference is, apparently those particular Chinese hills are misty looking because of pollution, not fog.

Anyway. Happy fog advisory! Drive carefully!!

Love, Catherine

→ 1 CommentCategories: weather

It’s a cold winter’s day here in Texas.

December 16, 2008 · 1 Comment

Yesterday and today, it’s like real wintertime. It’s in the 30s during the day, and the upper 20s at night. We’ve had some sleet, and some parts of town got real snow! Nothing that stuck, of course.

Here’s my new favorite breakfast:

Yummy breakfast burrito.

Yummy breakfast burrito.

I have it almost every day. It’s one of those uncooked flour tortillas from Costco, that you cook in a pan on the stove. Then I put in some refried beans, some Texas caviar (I make it with canned corn, canned black beans — though you can, and on New Year’s Day should, use black-eyed peas — fresh, chopped tomatoes, serranos, green pepper, scallions and cilantro, and lots of lime juice squeezed over top), some Rose’s Just Right tomatillo salsa, and some sour cream. SOOOO good.

Here’s what Laser does on a cold winter’s day:

Dog of Luxury.

Dog of Luxury.

Even when we make the bed, he rearranges it to his liking. Then he spends the whole day burrowed up in there.

I hope you’re warm and content today.

Love, Catherine

→ 1 CommentCategories: dogs · food · weather

Happy Anniversary, Honey!

December 14, 2008 · 8 Comments

Today is Erik’s and my one-year anniversary. I can’t even believe it’s been a full year since we got married. One year ago today — in fact, a year ago right this moment — we were in bed in our suite at the Venetian, our families and friends in rooms nearby, going “Can you believe what we’re about to do???”

For your first-year anniversary gift, you’re supposed to give each other paper-related gifts. Here’s what Erik gave me:

Gah! Bruuuuce!!

Gah! Bruuuuce!!

Oh man, Erik knows me well. I am so hot for the Boss. Have been for over 20 years.

My gift to him wasn’t made out of paper, but paper was integral to its production:

John Wayne!

John Wayne!

I made him a John Wayne tee shirt! I drew the picture onto freezer paper, cut out the shapes, ironed them onto the tee shirt, and painted it with fabric paint.

So, Erik has already made me cry today. On our anniversary.

Good tears!! He gave me the sweetest card ever:

Boo-hoo...so sweet...

Boo-hoo...so sweet...

Whaaah!! Love! It makes me cry!

Whaaah!! Love! It makes me cry!

Oh, also, I’ve had the card I gave Erik this morning for fifteen years. I got it back in high school at an antique store, and thought, “I’ll save this for my future husband on our one-year anniversary.” Through the years, marriage just didn’t seem a likely prospect. But I held on to that card…and now I gots my sweetheart!!

This card is from the 1950s.

This card is from the 1950s.

I’m going to do a separate post, probably tomorrow, about the freezer paper stencil phenomenon. Big thanks goes out to my friend Nicole, who passed along the idea.

Love to everyone, cuz I gots more than enough,

Catherine

→ 8 CommentsCategories: Erik · love · marriage

I was just thinking…

December 11, 2008 · 2 Comments

…about this guy I used to kickbox with, back in San Francisco. We were a tight and intense little group, going for our black belts, competing. That was when I still had regular asthma, before I discovered acupuncture and Chinese herbs; and before I became willing to spend money on contact lenses. So I used to spar without my glasses, and with my asthma inhaler waiting for me just a few feet away. I remember my instructor, Sifu Jeff, telling me, “You fight pretty well for a blind person.” Ha. My strategy was offense, offense, offense.

Anyway — I ate a banana this morning, and then eyed my new bag of dried fruit. For some reason, this little high-pitched whiny voice popped into my head, and said, “I like fruit.” It was kind of the voice Erik uses when he’s being funny and asks for some wine in a whiny voice — “Awwwww, I want some wiiiiiiiiine.”

I don’t know where the little high-pitched “I like fruit” whine came from. I feel like my brain must’ve co-opted it from some South Park character or something. But it made me remember that guy I used to kickbox with.

He was about 6′1″ and all gorgeous muscle. When he first started up at our kickboxing studio, all us ladies were lustful. I remember he sweated a lot. He was beautiful to watch.

As I said, we were a tight and intense little group. We mostly only hung out with each other. One of my favorite post-workout meals was a catfish fillet and a tall can of Sapporo beer, which I’d get at the store on my walk home from the kb studio. But lots of times, we’d go out to eat. Sifu Jeff was sixth-generation American-born Chinese. He liked going to all-American places like TGI Friday’s or California Pizza Kitchen. But once or twice, we got him to go to one of the many fabulous Chinese restaurants in the neighborhood near the kb studio.

The guy — the muscular guy — let’s call him Julio. Turned out Julio had never had Chinese food. Even American-style Chinese food. He’d grown up in Ohio. We were shocked. We started quizzing him on what he liked to eat.

“I like to eat chicken,” he said.

We waited.

After a minute, I asked, “What else do you like to eat besides chicken?”

“I like to eat chicken,” he said, “and water.”

We all blinked, stared, and then pounded him with questions.

Turned out, he was telling the truth. Every week he’d get a big pack of chicken breasts at the store. He’d eat two a day, cooked in a pan on the stove or baked in the oven. He’d drink water. That was it.

People who exercise obsessively can be kind of weird.

Love, Catherine

→ 2 CommentsCategories: Erik · San Francisco · asthma · exercise · food

How weird is THAT?

November 29, 2008 · 1 Comment

So the other night on the series finale of The Shield, the cops mentioned that this southern-California serial killer had once buried his victims under the highways as they were built. So I Googled it.

This is what I found.

Soooo creepy!! Can we say “truth is stranger than fiction”?

Happy weekend!

Love, Catherine

→ 1 CommentCategories: weirdness